Love Hunter Tsuna
by hachinonana
Summary: If one word was used to describe Tsuna, it wouldn't be cool, confident, attractive, or anything that matches a typical teen that gets girls' hearts thumping. It'd be Dame, or maybe unlucky, which is one reason he can't be hunting demons and making people fall for him! Except he has to if he values his head/life. Huh? Reborn, what did you say? MAFIA! [MxM, MxF, not permanent]


**Chapter One: Don't Joke About Windows (Or Fangirls)  
**

Sometimes, Sawada Tsunayoshi has Feelings.

He's not talking about emotions, no, he means Feelings, with a capital F. This type of Feeling is what tells Tsuna what alley to duck into to avoid his bullies, where to hide during lunch to protect Mom's precious bento, or the fact that when Keita and his friends say they want to "talk", he could expect the conversation to be one-way delivered with clubbing fists and harsh kicks. Of course Tsuna knows the last one without that feeling-he's always had a healthy amount of self-perseverance-but he appreciates the fact that something watches out for him and cares about him. (And yes, he does realize it's pitiful for him to have his heart warmed by a survival instinct, but it deserves acknowledgement for all it had done for him.)

It is this Feeling that rolls in his gut and flits in the back of his mind as he trudges along his daily path to school. It's definitely not warning him about the Discipline Committee because he woke up rather early this morning already with the Feeling telling him _something_ , so he can't possibly be late but really, a little hint as to what the Feeling wants him to do would be highly appreciated! All it's doing right now is making him paranoid.

The brunette huffs in mild irritation. On days when his Feeling starts acting up, he wouldn't even bother to come to school. In fact, the only reason he's not panicking and scanning his surroundings every five seconds is because the Feeling is slightly nagging with a warning _'You may not like this, but it's not a big deal, you can handle'_ which is wildly different from his regular _'Run here!'_ and _'Oh, you better avoid that place for a while'_ and those rare instances of _'Nonono run duck dodge panic LIVE!'_ –and the fact that an infuriated Hibari who's not even focused on him could cause this reaction is rather frightening– that pounds in his head with the rhythm of his heart.

Namimori Middle comes into view with students milling around, and Tsuna can't ignore the dread pooling in his gut. Something was off and he shoots glances everywhere, trying to figure out what was so different. The girls walking past him giggled more often than usual, and there was some sort of...Tsuna couldn't think of any other word to describe it than _expectant_ aura around the boys.

Then, the wary and bewildered middle schooler steps into the school building and stops dead in his tracks, immediately realizing what's wrong.

Pink, red, and white _everywhere._ Streamers and paper hearts decorate the lockers looking like those ribbons in science fairs, paper chains frame doorways, and did that girl really spray paint her school bag?!

(The wrath of the Disciplinary Committee will be unleashed upon her for violating the school dress code, and Tsuna did not want to stick around for that.)

Oh and did he mention, _sparkles?_ Yes, those sparkly flecks of blinding plastic whose only purpose is to be used defensively by flinging into the eyes of rapists. It is littered on the ground, the clothes, the _ceiling_ ; everywhere he looked, it was there. He's sure the assault on his eyes would make him see stars for weeks. The inside of the school looks like an janitor's worst nightmare. And Tsuna's. Because with all of this blatant evidence, it hits him like a semi truck that today is February 14th, Valentine's Day. The internationally celebrated Day of Love. He is not pleased.

He knows the universe is collectively conspiring against him. As if it knows about his dislike, something bad always happened on this day. Last year, his constant clumsiness caused him to trip into someone carrying a fancy cake at the shopping center, and he had to deal with the humiliation of his clothes being chocolate flavored as he's ranted at for "ruining the cake my mom spent _hours_ on making, now my crush will never love me, how can I compete with those skanks if I don't have my cake, I mean, it's not like my body has anything to offer, have you _seen_ my legs, you better not have, you perv, but _really, look_ at them–" and it somehow led to him having a hysterical girl in his arms making a scene while the bystanders either sympathized with the girl and nodded pityingly or shot him evil looks like he was somehow responsible for her eye color, the scent of her shampoo, and everything else the girl was crying about. It had been an awkward and mortifying day.

He whines in dismay and wonders if he should go get himself checked at the health room. How could his trusty Feeling say today was a no-big-deal day? He must be sick. Catching the flu. Becoming dangerously delirious. Dying.

Tsuna doesn't think of himself as hysterical. Sure, he's prone to fits of panic, yes, and fears things that –according to the public opinion– are irrational, yes. But hysterical? Not really. Today, however, he allows his mind and sanity to slightly slip. Because how the heck did his trusty Feeling not scream at him to stay at home on this _ridiculous holiday of Broken Hearts, Lies, and Empty Promises?!_

No, that was too much of an exaggeration, but he still despises this holiday. Love? No thank you, it was not for him. He's seen what it does to people. Perfectly normal people turn into fangirls, who can be puddles of squeals and goo at one moment, hissing embodiments of jealousy the next. (He swore never to underestimate them again.)

And, love already affected his family. Love makes his mother foolish, growing such an attachment to the one called Sawada Iemitsu. Day after day, his mother waits for the Man to come home–because HE is in no way his father, not when he visits only once every five years, spews lies every other second when he's home, and claims to be a construction worker while sending postcards from Antarctica, the Amazon, and other outrageous places. (Did he think he was an idiot?!) That Man is the reason why his mother cries in secret for weeks after he leaves, why she has to support Tsuna all by herself, and why she is constantly surrounded by whispers of _"That Sawada wife, she must be doing THAT, how else can a single parent pay for such a luxurious house? I tell you, it's always the innocent looking ones.'_ and _'Was marrying a rich man the only way for an idiot like her to make a living? It must be nice, living without worrying about work.'_ That Man is the reason his mother hurts, and Tsuna can't do much, but he will never acknowledge him as his father.

He jumps when a bell chimes, and Tsuna finds himself in a seat that he has no memory of sitting in. Luckily, he somehow walked over to his own seat during the haze and so is not in another classmate's place. The teacher walks in, class starts, and Tsuna vigorously prays that he gets through this blasted holiday without incident.

~oOoOo~

Apparently Kami had something more important matters to take care of than to listen to a young desperate boy's pleas, because when lunch break begins, chaos erupts. There were precursors, but Tsuna had thought all of the fidgeting girls were doing their monthly puberty...bleeding thing. (He later facepalms and berates himself for the mistake.) No, when the bell rings, they shoot out of their seats like it was hot, and crowd around Yamamoto Takeshi, the popular, friendly, talented baseball player. Tsuna wouldn't wish that fate on anyone, but admiration grows when he sees that Yamamoto only smiles happily when faced with a surge of hormonal girls.

Tsuna can't even escape because girls from other classes stream thorough the doors, blocking his only exit. _Huh... that's not exactly true..._ He ignores the commotion happening five feet away from him, and eyes the windows speculatively. They _are_ right next to him...

"Takeshi-kun!"

"Yamamoto-kun, accept my chocolates!"

"No, accept my _love!_ "

And the classroom is on the third floor. _Isn't there something like seven to heaven?_

For some reason, each girl was under the illusion that they were the only one to fancy him, and when they learn they have competition, they whirl on each other, furious.

" _Your_ chocolates? Why would he take them when he has mine?"

"Ha! That looks store bought! Are you implying your love is worth two dollars? This was home made, from the finest cacao beans and milk that I imported. It's miles better than that crap lump you call chocolate!"

 _"I'll show YOU crap, you little-"_

Tsuna pushes up the window and leans outside to gauge the distance to the ground. Yup, he can make that and get a broken leg, maybe just a sprain. There is no way it can be a fatal fall though, so he lifts a leg onto the window ledge.

The girls start to get violent, pushing each other out of the way, hoping to get to their idol.

Tsuna looks down, takes a deep breath, and– He shakes his head and lightly smiles self-deprecatingly. As if. Of course he won't ever be gutsy enough to do that. Even looking at the height in his classroom gives him weak knees. So, fangirls it is.

He moves to stick his body back in the class, and feels a hard bump on his butt. There's only a second to feel mildly violated before he realizes he had been pushed out the window and is now falling falling _falling down oh Kami he was just kidding but how could he even joke about this the ground is so close he's going to d–_

Something warm flickers in his chest and everything goes black.

~oOoOo~

 **A/N: Whoo, my first published story on this site! I haven't been writing seriously for long, so if anyone could give me any tips, that'll be great. I'll do my best to keep Tsuna-kun in character! This is a mild crossover. I have a vague idea of where I want this story to go, but I suck at plot mechanics so if there's plot holes, my bad. I'll fix them if I can, but don't keep your hopes up. By the way, I love reviews and feedback. *wink wink***


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